[Once sat down, he can hold him more firmly, head leaned back, looking at the ceiling as one hand moves in broad circles over his back, urging him to breathe deep and even, to let everything out without words or ego or anything so logical at play; it was an act of raw, bodily aggression and power that reigned over the boy who had rejected the power to put himself above that, the boy who likely could have ended them, but choose not to kill because... he choose this life, in this home, with the man they will see later.
This is the reality of Ash's world. But so too are the arms now around him, prepared to hold him as long as he may need, without a single change in his thoughts for him, having known of Ash's vulnerabilities before he's known much of anything else of him at all.
And if it were purely physical, he could make him feel as good as they did bad. He could remind his body that for all of the suffering he felt through it, it was also his connection to all the pleasures of the world. But sex has returned to something with an emotional factor, despite trying to destroy that link all these years. So it isn't a matter of good and bad medicine, anymore.
And so perhaps these rapes were harsher than most, when that part of his life was, in Ash's mind, meant to be over. It's never over. Not really. He choose to continue a life in the boundary between a God who ruled over the men who created him, and a vulnerable human who could love and lose.
Those who abused him enjoyed their power over him as much as his body. Maybe more. He was now known as much more than an easy victim. He was a difficult victim.]
no subject
This is the reality of Ash's world. But so too are the arms now around him, prepared to hold him as long as he may need, without a single change in his thoughts for him, having known of Ash's vulnerabilities before he's known much of anything else of him at all.
And if it were purely physical, he could make him feel as good as they did bad. He could remind his body that for all of the suffering he felt through it, it was also his connection to all the pleasures of the world. But sex has returned to something with an emotional factor, despite trying to destroy that link all these years. So it isn't a matter of good and bad medicine, anymore.
And so perhaps these rapes were harsher than most, when that part of his life was, in Ash's mind, meant to be over. It's never over. Not really. He choose to continue a life in the boundary between a God who ruled over the men who created him, and a vulnerable human who could love and lose.
Those who abused him enjoyed their power over him as much as his body. Maybe more. He was now known as much more than an easy victim. He was a difficult victim.]