I just became that selfish. Jessica was probably right...
[Ash is too close now. But there's nowhere to run.
Ash doesn't love him. But he does need him, no matter what he says. Because he's not leaving him. If Max says it's okay, he wants it. How often does Ash let himself do something for himself? Only when he needs it. Max didn't think he needed Blanca back then, after that torturous Spring, when Max himself had needed Blanca, in order to save him. But Ash knows what Ash needs, even if he can't say it.
Max can't make Ash not need him. The most he can do is not make him feel guilty for getting what he needs.
He can't stop being bitter he's not what he needs. Ash says he is, but he's not. He's not someone who can believe in a normal life where Blanca and his skill level isn't needed for Ash, not any more than Ash is.
He still believes he can have Eiji. He still believes Blanca will leave Ash still in need of something the bastard never provided. But Max isn't 'it'.]
no subject
[Ash is too close now. But there's nowhere to run.
Ash doesn't love him. But he does need him, no matter what he says. Because he's not leaving him. If Max says it's okay, he wants it. How often does Ash let himself do something for himself? Only when he needs it. Max didn't think he needed Blanca back then, after that torturous Spring, when Max himself had needed Blanca, in order to save him. But Ash knows what Ash needs, even if he can't say it.
Max can't make Ash not need him. The most he can do is not make him feel guilty for getting what he needs.
He can't stop being bitter he's not what he needs. Ash says he is, but he's not. He's not someone who can believe in a normal life where Blanca and his skill level isn't needed for Ash, not any more than Ash is.
He still believes he can have Eiji. He still believes Blanca will leave Ash still in need of something the bastard never provided. But Max isn't 'it'.]