papalobo | Day 234 - Wednesday, August 12th

Day 234 - Wednesday, August 12th

[Lubbock Preston Smith International Airport is a famous site, located in Lubbock County, in a city called Lubbock. Lubbock is decidedly not a region renowned for creativity in names. In August, it's extremely hot, even if the city is more on the northern side of Texas, if one had to declare north or south within the state. It's a large and major city, with a lot of activity, a lot of traffic, and a lot going on in general.

As for Max, by now Ash has probably received his package. It's a shame, not being able to see his face. He couldn't wrap them, not with the way they were sent, but he did have a hand at paper folding. Ash had called him selfish, and he was probably right. It was one of Jessica's favorite insults, too. With her, he wrote it off as projection. With Ash, there's no grounds to claim that. In the parables about how a person can't save both the spider and the butterfly, Ash is someone who might just die for a literal butterfly. So he'll just have to take that label. If he can't keep himself from trying to send him gifts, he'll at least try to give him what he said he wanted: a sign he was recovering. Two crappy cats folded with his injured hand better be worth the embarrassment: if Ash thinks he's that clumsy with his uninjured right hand, then it means not only did he move on to a better bedmate, he's started to retroactively remember Max as worse. If Ash doesn't think that thought crossed his mind when he sent out the box, doesn't think Max would honestly rather stab himself in his good hand rather than deal with that thought, then he's too dumb for college after all. Oh, he might pass the classes, but the part he's actually there for...

Well, in a few years, when Ash makes it big again (he can't imagine the kid staying out of the news), he'll find out how it all went for him. This time he'll be in his reader's shoes, taking whatever story the writers see fit to sculpt. He's no longer in a position to shape his life, much less to relay it to anyone if he were of a mind to.]

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[ It's his birthday by the time Ash lands. Ironically, the day Blanca thought would be spent with friends being embarrassed by a large party starts off with Ash grabbing his luggage and the cats from an airport, otherwise alone. What was likely imagined as a luxurious breakfast was a cup of coffee and whatever bagel he could get near the airport. He has to check into a hotel.

Then, it's time to do his Max search here. He still has a picture.

He's alive. He's away from Chinatown. All of that is good. He can at least relax and be more annoyed than worried. ]

[The house included in the USB is near scenic Mackenzie Park; it's a clean seeming neighborhood of lower to middle income retirees. With the Veteran's Memorial and Veteran's hospital nearby, many of the retirees are on a military pension, which helps to supplement the standard of living.

His description matches quite a lot of people in Texas as well. But it's at Cane's Chicken Fingers that the first answer seems to actually help:]

Bet you mean a non-local. Guy with an accent goin' by the name of Matt came in 'bout a week ago, comes in every few days. Thought he was tryin' to run a scam on the old folks he brings in, but the whole church's got our eyes on him, soon as he tries to get more 'n a meal out of 'em.

[The lack of accent is an accent, in Texas.]

[ Both Blanca and Max decided to give him family on his birthday. How desperate for them does he seem? Griff is dead. His mother is dead. His father is a deadbeat. Nevermind that he's curious in a way that makes a ball form in his stomach. Nevermind if he wonders if Max has spoken to them.

If he comes in here so often, it's possible he's staying nearby.

Ash allows himself to visibly relax. ]

Good. Thank you.

[ They probably go to that church. They'd hate him. ]

Does anyone know if he's staying nearby?

I'unno, but could probably find out. He your runaway Paw or somethin'?

Something like that. I just want to check in on him, if you could help me.

[Business is slow enough he has time to head in back and return with a little blue book, the Lubbock Faithful Heart church directory, and flip to a page. Taking out his cell phone, he dials.]

Y'ellow, Nima? This's Cane.

From the Church Directory.

No, it's good here. But got a boy here, lookin' for Matt. Know he hangs around you a lot, you know where he's been' stayin?

The VA, huh? [He looks to Ash, knowing that's the information he wants.]

Sounds like he's a deadbeat.

No, good enough kid, polite. Not like he came in with a gun. Got the same accent.

Ayup. Family business, I reckon.

[ VA, huh? Ash didn't think Max liked those kinds of places. Giving a polite smile and throwing his hand up in both thanks and parting, it's time for Ash to go to yet another VA. He'd visited enough when looking for Griff. ]

[The VA isn't the worst one he's seen, but it's definitely not up to the standards of even a standard small town hospital. That does make things easy in that there's no sign of security, and while if he asks at the desk for a Max Lobo or Glenreed or even just a 'Matt' he'll be told they don't have one, nobody will think any of it if he wanders through after being told the patient he's looking for isn't there.

In the main living room, those in a mostly vapid, absent state are on the couch, facing but not seeing an older, fat-screen TV with older game shows playing. It smells like old people, cigarettes, and urine, and a nursing staff passing through is trying to triangulate the source of the urine smell to take whoever needs it off to change.

It also smells like death. Not a literal corpse, but the promise of one blooming from a 'technically' living body around every corner. Most rooms are dark with the shades drawn. There are no private TVs in the rooms.

Some are talking to themselves or just openly crying in their rooms with no shame or awareness, nor calls for help. There are staff members hustling through to answer call lights that flash outside of various doors, but there's an air of defeat on their faces already; there will just be more calls, more clothes to change, more emergencies. They don't even stop to notice a very attractive boy walking their halls.

One room that he may look in while wandering stands out for seeming to have the curtains open inside, some light pouring out rather than being a darker cavern. In there, back to the door, is Max packing up a pillowcase with (slightly stale) VA cafeteria snacks, cookies, creamer, instant coffee, anything more portable, along with what is probably borrowed clothing as they're shirts and pants Ash doesn't recognize.]

[ He's seen worse, but just as his 'worse' experiences don't negate other people's atrocities, he isn't immune to these kinds of places. People are shipped off to keep breathing until they're not breathing anymore. Griff was one of these places, even more ignored than these patients. The workers seem to be trying here; they'd largely already given up in the other hospital.

And here's Max. After another search. Ash is tired. He expected to blow up, he expected to hit the guy, but everything just runs out of him instead. It even takes several seconds before he speaks. ]

Phones aren't that heavy.

[That's a familiar voice. Of course, it's just in his head; it's Ash's birthday, of course he's thinking of him today. By now, he's about halfway to Japan.

It's also possible he's in town. Post makings and all. It really depends. But that's why he's leaving today. Even if Ash has made it in town, he won't find him before noon, even if he is Ash.

Without hearing the words, writing them off as some background chatter, he ties the pillowcase to a wheelchair handle. It's in turning to do that that he finally sees him.
The surprise flashes on his face. He blinks twice, and then the surprise fades, strained, pained, quickly putting it together.

Ah. Blanca. That's right. That guy is on his side. If he wanted to find him, the only surprise was that he managed to pull this off for this long.]

Happy Birthday.

[ Ash's face is hard to read. There's no obvious, cold anger which can often be close to his default when working with his men. There's no pain, no question. There's nothing. His face is a careful mask as he reaches into jean pockets to withdraw a phone that Max likely finds familiar. He tosses it in Max's lap, not answering. ]

Huh? Ah--... That's...

[Scratching his cheek, he looks away.]

...I locked it while I was drunk 'n couldn't get it unlocked.

You locked your ability to say you were going out of town, too, huh? Drunk you does a lot of weird stuff.

[The awkward attempt at levity falls, carefully on guard.]

You'd've left instead if I didn't move fast.

Edited 2022-09-17 17:50 (UTC)

Drop the bullshit. You didn't make a single call to a single person. You left without a note. You don't have to check in with me, but you don't think I at least have the right to know you're leaving by choice instead of spending a week doing a city-wide manhunt to make sure you didn't end up in a Chinese basement or decided beer and pills were a good idea after all?

You drop the shit. What would China want with me? 'n you got that guy at your pillow now, it's not like you can't find anyone or anything you want in a day.

[ Maybe Max loved him once. Ash thought so. It felt so real and so solid that he could argue it without any doubt. Even now, it's hard to say some of the things he did before could have been done out of something that wasn't love. Even if did once, he doesn't now. Ash gets it, what Michael feels. Oh, he did before, in his own level, but now they share a person, too.

'He loves you' Ash tells Michael while being unable to explain how love and abandonment cold fit in the same relationship. He was wrong. It's hurt to know Max will run the second they broke up, but it's logical. Why wait around? It was obvious that a part of him wanted it to happen even before the words were said. Ash even gets why. Blanca and medical issues came at the same time. It's not like it makes no sense for Max to be hurt.

But he could've said something. Ash was out of the house. Max could've been out of the city before Ash even knew.

In his room, in the bar, he'd known he wouldn't find love. With Eiji's near-fatal gunshot, he got it. He understood. Why was Ash such an idiot that night? What made him think something changed? Now, he's had a taste of the good sides and he's going back to being alone save for mini vacations with Blanca. Even that will feel different. If Max's wasn't love, Blanca's is, self-proclaimed even, not love.

the burning ache in his chest isn't fear, at least. That's a nice change. ]

Blanca's not my personal servant.

[ With that, he has nothing more to say. He just wanted to make sure Max was alive and okay. He is. Ash has no more reason to be here. He turns to go. ]

Edited 2022-09-17 18:08 (UTC)

[An answer is on the tip of his tongue, mouth opening only to find himself faced with Ash's back; his mouth closes, brows furrowing at that sight as his hands grip the arms of the wheelchair.]

...Got therapy while I was here. I'll keep getting it.

[Hold it in. Hold it in. His knuckles go white, clutching the chair arm, wanting to launch up and slug him, wanting to grab his hair and pull his face into the punch, wanting to give him a gut punch that earns another dry remark about how little Max actually cared about feeding him.

But it's the kid's birthday. Hold it in. Let it end like this. Ash is out of feelings for him. So don't force yours on him. Last thing he wants is someone doing shit for him he doesn't want and calling it love. So don't feel for him. Not even anger. Give him what he said he wanted and let him go to his happier life with his not-servant.

If he doesn't pick Eiji instead, that's none of his business anymore.

Yeah. Even that ticket was just wanting it not to be Blanca, not allowing Ash's choice to be good enough.

So let it go. His jaw clenches, holding his breath. He wants to hit him so badly his vision swims. But he'll endure it.]

[ He doesn't reply immediately. A lot of feelings and emotions clog in Ash's throat. He wishes he could feel that kind of anger, he wishes he could shout and yelled, but he's done so much yelling, so much yelling, and nothing changed. Ash Lynx is a fighter, he'll keep moving forward, but he's never had high hopes or ambitions for himself. They managed to knock him down far enough that he refuses to believe he can climb out of that hole. Oh, he'd dreamed of freedom, but even once he had it, nothing changed aside from being raped a bit less. He didn't choose college on his own. He didn't move into a house.

Until he tried to make one a home. In L.A. That didn't work, so he tried one in New York. God, how embarrassing it was to realize how much he'd clawed and grabbed to make a square peg fit into a round hole.

And it hurts. It hurts, and a part of him hates Max for taking the love he gave and leaving without even a 'i'm okay, just going to go'. Ash does realize the irony, and he knows he deserves it. Blanca had reminded him as much on vacation, knocking him off whatever high the musician had given him. But he'd wanted to share the story with Max. He'd even debated telling him about the family visits. Ash had programmed his mind to allow Max a little more entrance, to be a little more open than he'd been in the past. Their lives were intertwined.

Now he's alone.

Happy Birthday to him. At least Max is alive. He supposes that works. ]

If...

[ Keep it together. Stay calm. Ash can leave here and handle his feelings in private in a hotel. Not here. ]

... you decide to let me know when the recovery's done, you know the mailing address.

[ With that, he's gone. He has to be gone. ]

[Finally, Ash leaves the room. The anger doesn't dissipate, but it's not like the fire's being fed. If he wants, the oxygen will run out and the flame will smother. His head swims. Both hands hurt. It feels like the cast is going to break the way his fingers try to curl at it. The pain shoots through his entire hand, remembering the feel of pulling his hand out of the door through the knife.

It's no good. The anger's not going anywhere. So he has to. Standing up, his feet pound the floor running after him.]

[ Max is in a wheelchair; running for him is ridiculous. Still, it sounds like the running is coming toward him. Unusual for Ash, his gaze is on the floor. In hopes it's not a patient who thinks he looks like one of his past foes, Ash moves to the other side, hoping the steps run past him. ]

[It's unusual, for Ash to have such an opening. If he doesn't take it now, he'll definitely regret it for the rest of his life. One hit won't be enough if Ash is leaving himself this open. So, stomach and eating and food and all that be damned, he tackles forward into him with both arms crushing around him hard. If they remain standing or hit the wall or the floor is up to Ash, but that stupid brat's not even going to have the room in his hold to get any leverage to elbow or writhe out.]

This crap's why it's gotta be him!

[ Emotion is why Eiji got shot. Ash knows it's his weakness. It's been said enough, too. Yet, if he removes that, he becomes Yut Lung. It's a selfish weakness to cling to; ash needs to stop. But for now, he needs time.

Thankfully, he does manage to turn so they hit a wall instead of the floor. He also turns so that his back isn't trapped against the unknown assailant just as the grab comes, putting them face to face. Normally, it would have been nothing to block it, but Ash at least makes the position slightly less vulnerable a position.

Which is why Max can see Ash's face and watery eyes widen in surprise by the sudden takckle. ]

Why the hell can you run?

Why the hell can you be this stupid?!

[It's a run that has him breathing rough and haggard.]

It's gotta be him! Go to fucking Japan already! If you can't make use of no one, at least love someone useless! You brat! If everything I do's just me being selfish and you can't get nothin' out of it, and you won't even use the fucking asshole anyone can get somethin' out of, just get with Eiji! You keep not wantin' to use anyone 'cause you're looking for him!

[ It was smart to put him in such a hold. Ash is immediately trying to struggle out of it. Violently even.

So many thoughts run through his head. Ash thought he'd found what he'd been looking for. He thought he had it with Max. Saying as much changes nothing. Nothing will change anything back to what it was. They were broken and when they broke, Ash broke with it. He's forcing his eyes to dry, but a couple of stray tears manage to fall. ]

I'm not looking for anything. Let me go.

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