Day 263 - Wednesday, September 10th

[papalobo]

[By morning, Max's texts are mostly jibberish but the article he delivers to Peter at 3:30 AM is well polished, especially given in the e-mail and subject body the entire line was off by one or more--- 'yjr stiv;r er ys;lrff snnpiy' for 'The article we talked about' and the body was similarly incoherent.

Everything hurts. He knows Ash would tell him to take a damn sleeping pill already. He knows a lot of things. He knows Ash is tired of his pity party. He knows even if Ash were to tell him something comforting, he wouldn't believe it. But being in this brain-rotted state of sleepless delirium is actually further from consciousness. In sleep, he dreams, and there he is. Right now, there's a state as far from himself, as if his self has decayed, like inebriation, and that's nice enough he decides it calls for some actual inebriation. They've got hard liquor and his publication calls for some, so he's going to toast to himself at sunrise, and let the cats hear him tell them in loud, slurring detail about the time Eiji saved Ash in the sewers, that their Ash is all sewer stinky now again, and that Ash won't come home because he's fantasizing about better times with a better useless sidekick, and also he's probably blowing Blanca to get magical answers, or maybe just because he likes men who can react. At any rate, they should come outside with him he decides, and he will also pour alcohol into shot glasses that he'll set on the ground level for them.

By 8:00, he's Shawn's problem. His texting skills have deteriorated enough to switch to voice.

Shawn puts up with it for about fifteen minutes, but he's got things to do, like wait in the bar for Ash to wake up and see how things have been going.

He is then Jenkins's and Charlie's and even Kent's problem. All of them are surely grateful to Ash for having encouraged him to build and reach out to a friend group a little more.]

Comments

[papalobo]

[His arm pulls back, resisting. He can't physically cooperate and mentally resist.]

No. You were happy. Before me. I made it like this. I'll do it better so stop thinking you're bad. I wrote about why you're good.

[jadedlynx]

It's not about padding my ego.

[ Ash urges him up again. He isn't even arguing so much as confirming the sky is blue. ]

But you're wrong. I was satisfied at not being chased by Dino, but I wasn't happy. I didn't look forward to anything or plan anything. I didn't have anything to lose. I was waiting to die.

[ He didn't want to, but he assumed it would happen soon. ]

You have to get to a bed.

[papalobo]

[The most he'll do is look up, chin against Ash's torso, trying to see to his eyes.]

You looking forward to the next time you get with him?

[ His tone's hopeful, wanting a 'yes, wanting Ash to still have something to look forward to, no matter what the answer's going to do to him, no matter what kind of prelude to his dream it's going to be. Because that's better than the alternative, better than the present Ash is spelling out now, here, actually with Max.

Ash's phone beeps with a new message.]

[jadedlynx]

I haven't thought about the next time I'm going to be with him in a while.

[ And it's true. ]

Come on. I have to meet with Shawn soon.

[papalobo]

Not what I asked.

[But he rises up.]

[jadedlynx]

I'd have to think about it to look forward to it.

I know I'll enjoy it, if that's what you're asking. I don't think about him as often as you do.

[papalobo]

You should. It's better than bein' sad.

[jadedlynx]

I could think about him right now, and it won't override you. You can't offload me.

[papalobo]

Yeah, but I don't make you happy.

[It's not sulking; it's matter of fact, detached.]

[jadedlynx]

Staying with you knowing how much it's killing you is the most selfish thing I've ever done, and it's because I am happy when it's not like this. I hate this part.

[papalobo]

Then, keep it up. Selfish is... you do it bad. So go it more until you're good enough to get what you really want. I'll say hi to 'em for you.

[Ash may have to carry him the rest of the way up the stairs; Max is out.]

[jadedlynx]

[... He's not a light man, but Ash is Ash. It's not done with ease, but he puts Max to bed and the kittens along side him before checking his phone.

Max dreams about them. Blanda and Eiji. It's easy enough to figure out. ]

[papalobo]

Her highness wants to set up a meeting too. I'm so popular.

[jadedlynx]

Her highness will sell you out because he had a dream it would help and has already kidnapped you once.

[papalobo]

I'll tell him I'm spoken for. Tee hee.

[jadedlynx]

I'll talk to him. He probably has the same idea as I do, but with less care about what happens to you in the end.

[ And then, to Yut Lung :]

Why the meeting with Shawn?

[venemoussnake]

Don't play dumb. We both know he's the only one who Gou Sheng wants to meet with now. If I'm there, he at least has protection.

[jadedlynx]

The dumb part would be trusting you to protect him. If Ling tells you to turn him over for Sing, you'll offer him the zip ties.

[venemoussnake]

Yes.

[jadedlynx]

He has more protection without you there. I'm not going to add more snakes to a viper's nest.

[venemoussnake]

You aren't prepared to make sacrifices for Sing.

[jadedlynx]

I'll get him back without sacrificing somebody else. If that's the best you have, sit back and wait for the results.

[venemoussnake]

Don't complain when I do just that.

[jadedlynx]

I've never complained about you staying out of anything.

[ As Ash changes, he sends another text to Shawn. ]

Heading to the bar. The princess definitely stays out of it.

[papalobo]

I'll try to figure out how to get in touch with Ling without him, then.