Day 263 - Wednesday, September 10th

[papalobo]

[By morning, Max's texts are mostly jibberish but the article he delivers to Peter at 3:30 AM is well polished, especially given in the e-mail and subject body the entire line was off by one or more--- 'yjr stiv;r er ys;lrff snnpiy' for 'The article we talked about' and the body was similarly incoherent.

Everything hurts. He knows Ash would tell him to take a damn sleeping pill already. He knows a lot of things. He knows Ash is tired of his pity party. He knows even if Ash were to tell him something comforting, he wouldn't believe it. But being in this brain-rotted state of sleepless delirium is actually further from consciousness. In sleep, he dreams, and there he is. Right now, there's a state as far from himself, as if his self has decayed, like inebriation, and that's nice enough he decides it calls for some actual inebriation. They've got hard liquor and his publication calls for some, so he's going to toast to himself at sunrise, and let the cats hear him tell them in loud, slurring detail about the time Eiji saved Ash in the sewers, that their Ash is all sewer stinky now again, and that Ash won't come home because he's fantasizing about better times with a better useless sidekick, and also he's probably blowing Blanca to get magical answers, or maybe just because he likes men who can react. At any rate, they should come outside with him he decides, and he will also pour alcohol into shot glasses that he'll set on the ground level for them.

By 8:00, he's Shawn's problem. His texting skills have deteriorated enough to switch to voice.

Shawn puts up with it for about fifteen minutes, but he's got things to do, like wait in the bar for Ash to wake up and see how things have been going.

He is then Jenkins's and Charlie's and even Kent's problem. All of them are surely grateful to Ash for having encouraged him to build and reach out to a friend group a little more.]

Comments

[jadedlynx]

I was coming home anyway. I called to say I'd bring breakfast.

[papalobo]

You'll eat.

[He sounds like he's convincing himself it's alright to let Ash come home, when he knows that wasn't the plan, when he knows he's being a needy, dead weight burden.

He remembers now that he's hearing his voice, how tired Ash is of dealing with not only Max being useless but having to pretend he's not, at these times. 'Conditioning', whatever that means, he's too tired to put it together logically but some part of his mind ties that word, that moment to something probably important.

His eyes hurt. He's tired.]

[jadedlynx]

I did plan to feed myself, too, yeah.

[ It's probably a bad time to ask any kind of question. Ash knows it's not fair, but he's also found that drunk people are often the most honest. ]

Do you ever think you'd be happier with somebody like Eiji?

[papalobo]

So s'come to that, huh?

[Max doesn't even seem surprised at the question. Likely because he reads into it further, supposes Ash is trying to finally float the idea of bringing Eiji into their relationship; Max doesn't hate him, it should be a lot easier than Blanca was.]

Go for it. Parmesan grated. Grants. Persimmons gated. Y'don't gotta pretend it's a threesome thing. Haffun.

[jadedlynx]

I'm not into threesomes.

[ And Ash isn't surprised to hear how it's taken. ]

I'm asking about you.

[ Maybe Max won't even remember this conversation. ]

Maybe you'd be happier with somebody who's actually good at this stuff, who knows how to say this in a way that makes you believe it. Somebody like Eiji would've probably helped you by now. When it comes from somebody like me, you're not buying it. Maybe that'd make you happier.

[papalobo]

Y'mean a good liar?

[jadedlynx]

It's a long list. You know what I mean.

[ Somebody you can't trust because of that long list. ]

[papalobo]

Kid, I don't even wanna be happy no more. Figured it out when I was writing your biography. Why you want him but don't want him, same way you wanted and didn't want and don't want the other him. Only thing I wan'na do's... I dunno, go more unsleep. All feels less real, more'n being drunk does even. Like it's less me so it all makes more sense. Yano yogi Siddharta something stuff.

[jadedlynx]

Sorry.

[ It's such a stupid thing to say. It's such a weak, stupid response that fixes nothing. ]

I should've stopped when Eiji got shot. I can't even blame anybody else for this one.

[ For hurting Max. It's all him.

It's kind of embarrassing to think just a few days ago he entertained the idea that maybe he wasn't a bad person.

But he also knows Max will turn this into a 'you're not so bad' talk so he quickly follows it up. ]

I'm leaving to grab breakfast. I'm serious about not calling or texting anybody else.

[ As it had done the day before, the call ends. ]

[papalobo]

OG UPI FPM'Y SMDERT O
M VS;;UBF ITHER PEOPLE

[And just as the day before, Max tries calling back, after a very lovingly crafted text message.]

[jadedlynx]

[ He gets the voicemail. At the bar, Ash finally leaves his room and heads to place the order though he'll pause when he sees Shawn. ]

Are you here every day, or do I have a stalker?

[papalobo]

Thought I'd give you a heads up, your old man's probably on about day four or so of sleep deprivation or got some hard drugs from someone else.

[ He holds up a phone log to show Max had called him for about fifteen minutes around 8:00, then two more times, and sent a mostly incoherent text. ]

Even if he's a day drinker, he seems more like he's out of touch with reality than buzzed. Given the stuff you wanted before, if he's not taking it, that tracks. But a bad drug'd do it too.

Not exactly what you need right now, I know, but.

[jadedlynx]

Drunk and no sleep. I'm heading home today so I'll make sure he takes the medicine. Thanks.

[ Idly, he orders the food to go. ]

I've thought more about you and Ling.

[ Always work, isn't it? ]

How much do you have that they could use against you in Chicago?

[papalobo]

I bet they'll look at my browser history and find out I'm into dino porn. It's all over for me.

[Worn down by Max so early in the morning, Shawn's statements are a little more dry in tone than usual, but he catches himself realizing he's starting to sound bitchy.]

If you mean to overthrow me, things were pretty stable. I've got two strong underbosses 'n I trust them. Biggest threat'd be steamrolling with money. From what I hear, the guy behind you all backed some Arthur guy for a while even though you had a good hold on the reigns here before that. So if it's something like that, well, that's the end of it. Otherwise, we'll be alright.

[jadedlynx]

I don't know how much I can trust a guy who doesn't use Incognito mode.

[ The benefit to being bitchy as well is that Ash can roll with it. ]

I'm talking about on a personal level. Family. Anybody they can threaten. If it's a money thing, you have my backing. Arthur only worked because I had to leave to take care of something bigger. He couldn't last.

[papalobo]

Nah. Unlike most the kids here, at least I didn't get betrayed by a parent agreeing to send me there. I'm a cute little orphan boy.

[jadedlynx]

Adorable.

This is probably the only time you'll get asked this without a bad intention, but there's nobody or nothing somebody could use as blackmail? If you meet with Ling, he might try to force your hand.

[papalobo]

Admittedly I'm getting kind of fond of the kids here. Even the sons of bitches who kept me in the corner.

Maybe you're working with him to get me with a whole kindergarten here full of hostages, is that it?

[jadedlynx]

It's the entire reason I got drugged there. I knew I'd meet you.

[ Ash looks at the bar. The conversation terrifies him. Shorter's face, begging and terrified, is frozen in his mind. ]

It's a dead on Sing. I'm probably playing right into his hands, but a meeting with you is the last card to play.

[papalobo]

[Shawn blinks at that, narrowed Asian eyes unusually wide as he realizes Ash is serious. Not that his suggestion is serious but that he's been holding out on playing this card.]

Are you that worried about me?

[He and Ash are friendly, but he does know he and Sing are tighter, always going to be tighter, certain bonds forged by their territories.]

Geeze, how many of my death flags are you trying to trigger before this meeting, man? Offering to pay my way through college and get met set up there, worrying about my safety, not wanting to put me in danger.... If we kiss, I'm dead for sure. Bet I'm gonna lose an eye at least already.

[jadedlynx]

I know how these assholes work. I'll hold back on the kiss to give you a fighting chance.

If he tries anything, a threat or blackmail, tell me. I'll make sure it fails even if I have to go to Chicago myself. Max is publishing a two part story about the kids in the Unit, and I have my men following them. They're safe.

[papalobo]

Shit, I can wear a wire if you want. Might even save my ass if I go missing too.

[jadedlynx]

[ It crossed Ash's mind, but the Lings were a big deal in Chicago. He didn't think making Shawn choose too much was a good idea. ]

I'll grab one. Let him know you'll meet him at by request. He'll already know I'm behind it.

[papalobo]

Bet they feel me up for a wire. I haven't gotten any action since yesterday morning, so I'm overdue.

[jadedlynx]

Max seems pretty interested.

We can put the tap on your phone. If he can't trust you enough to let you keep it, you can't trust him enough to do the meeting.