papalobo | Day 265 - Friday, September 12th

Past tense now, huh?

You assumed it was past tense for a while now.

[ It's only been past tense for roughly 5 minutes. ]

Go call him up, later. When you've given up on letting me try. M'sure he'll convince you.

It's not like nobody tried before you.

[ Eiji had failed. As much as Ash loved him, Eiji failed to make him believe it. ]

It's not like I won't have a life if it's not a normal one.

Blanca talked you down last time too, since all I could do was deck you in the stomach.

[ Ash moves to step out of the hug. Max says he's trying, but he's not that stupid. He knows there's more to comfort than having arms around you. ]

I'm going to check on the cats.

[Dejected, his arms go limp and slide off of him.

He's made this about himself. When Ash is a national news story. When his identity is going to become a crisis under legal scrutiny. When he's been abused by the system, after doing everything to keep safe from his more natural enemies.

Max has stopped believing in a normal life for the kid. It's not his fault; Ash doesn't deserve it. But the only one who could stop it is Blanca, and Blanca's presence by default disqualifies any life as natural.

There's no place for either Ash or Max here, and neither can make it. Max has managed to somehow make police interrogative rape worse.

Might be one of the more impressive things he's done.]

[ He wanted it to be true. Probably, that's cruel enough that if Ash wasn't so tired, he'd be willing to fight about it. He hadn't cared before. He'd accepted his place in life after Dino died. Max came in and made him believe it enough to want it. Had him so close that he was willing to actually listen to an argument about it. Now, Ash has to want it while knowing it's impossible.

Too much of it was dependent on Max. Maybe that was proof he didn't believe it enough. With Max taken from him, the rest didn't seem likely either.

Max needed to heal. Ash can figure out the 'after' once that's accomplished. For now, he'll look for the two cats he can't keep in the end. He'll check their food, water, litter, and toys. He accepted the role of boss and did it well. For now, he'll make sure Max is healthy and go through the other motions, too.

If his shoulders shake when he's alone doing those things, it can't be counted as 'suckering' if nobody sees it. ]

[Kuroneko can see those shoulders shake. It's not something Kuroneko likes to see; it's enough for him to start mewling, yowling in misery, which means Asher will sit next to him and also yowl, as if making those synchronizing, harmonizing, protesting sounds will somehow make Ash stop doing whatever feels so wrong. When that fails, Kuroneko will try rolling onto his back and offering his stomach up like a puppy.]

Shhh....shhhh...

[ The noises are nasally, but Ash instantly tries to dry it up as both hands go out to reach and pet them. They're sounds that Max could hear. This is meant to be a private display, not something else to make Max feel like he's failing. ]

You're okay. Sorry for leaving you alone.

[Kuroneko tries to pad his paws at Ash's hand, with no claws, wanting to grab onto him and hold, as if a kitten could give a hug. He continues to meow.

Asher is going to go look for Blanca, he can come fix Ash.]

[ Even as he lifts Kuro to give his own hug, he can't help but laugh at Asher. ]

I don't blame you.

[ He has better things to do than stick around for this, huh? ]

[Much as he doesn't want to leave Kuroneko alone, Ash needs fixing. Asher will find a----Max is back, he has become distracted, deciding he is the reason Ash is broken. He will take care of the problem. Mostly by making noise in the kitchen so that Max knows he is allowed to feed him if he wants. He has not eaten since Max had last seen him, in fact. It is a wonder he is not dead.]

[ Instead, Ash assumes he's being called to do the feeding. Keeping Kuro tucked against his neck, he comes in to feed him. ]

Coming, coming.

[ It's better that Max not come. Red eyes don't dry instantly. ]

[But Max is already there, granted Ash could easily miss him if his senses aren't heightened. After all, he is crouching down, and so invisible behind the island, poking at the demanding cat, so shamelessly not feeding him.]

[ He's in a locked home with a security system active, and his mind is busy with so many other things. His senses aren't very heightened at the moment.

So, Max might recognize the nasally, slightly hoarse voice of someone who just finished crying. ]

Feel better?

[ His question is to Kuro. ]

I know I've given you guys a pretty hard life, but it really was just a few hours today.

[Hearing that type of voice, that kind of pained filter, over Ash's voice, stuns him; it isn't that he intends to lurk or eavesdrop. He's in the same kitchen. As soon as Ash comes around the bend, he'd be seen. He isn't that stupid. But he finds himself motionless.

Even though Max is here, Ash had gone off to cry alone.

It'd have been better not to come home. It'd be better to still be in jail.

Kuroneko tries to rub against his face, mewling again. It's not better. Ash is sad.]

Sorry.

[ His voice is choked again. He's moving to actually grab the food before going to the bowel. ]

You had it pretty good at the cafe, huh? Somebody always around, nobody trying to kill you.

[ There's a small scoop in the bag, one that might be gone if Max plans to feed him, one that isn't if he's bullying him instead. ]

I didn't plan to bring you into this. I'll make sure you'll get a good home. Better than this one.

[No. As if he could understand, Kuroneko mewls again. Because Max has absolutely no intent to feed him at all and has not even considered the scoop, Asher bites Max, begins to scratch on his hand, but by now, Max actively does find himself trying to stifle it to hide just a little longer.]

[ All the more reason to assume he's alone. At least Asher seems to have decided to wait. ]

I'll make sure it's somebody safe.

[ Bending down, Ash grabs the scoop to fill it for a feeding. ]

And somebody who loves cats. You'll be spoiled and forget about me in a month.

[Max's teeth grit as Asher's back feet come up, hanging off of his injured hand and deciding to kangaroo dig into his forearm. Fortunately, Asher's attack doesn't seem to come with any growling or hissing. But Kuroneko pushes into Ash's neck, not caring about the scoop or food.]

[ Ugh, this is hard. He doesn't want to do this. Why is he even saying it? Kuro is a cat. But if it didn't matter, the cat's reaction wouldn't hurt so bad. Ash's voice is still tight. ]

Don't worry, it's not going to be right away. We still have a few more weeks.

[ He drops the scoop to use the other hand to pet the saddened cat. ]

[Just as strong as the drive to get in the truck and try to drive it through the precinct and DHS was, now he has the urge to grab this idiot and shake him, scream at him, return that punch to the face. But it's actually useful information.

We still have a few more weeks. Those are concrete plans. Ash has a plan.

Plans in the suicidal are the most dangerous factor. A plan is a reality.

And Ash is unfortunately painfully good at plans, while Max can't even convince him to go hang out with either of two men he loves, he's so bad at arguing and counteracting.

Now he's definitely snooping. He needs to know everything he can about this plan.

Ah, but if he can't get away without Ash knowing he heard it, all this will be for nothing. He glances around, wondering what kind of escape he might be able to hope for. But he's not Ash. He doesn't have plans.]

[ If he bothers to risk a glance around the island, Ash's back is to him. He's on his hunches in front of the food, the scoop sitting atop. One arm is holding Kuro, the other stroking him. ]

Sorry. I don't want to.

[ Does Kuro know that? Can he understand it? ]

I didn't plan to during the adoption. You haven't been bad. You're a great kitten. I'll miss you, but it's going to feel really good knowing you're in a good place.

[Without thumbs, Kuroneko's paws try to capture Ash's stroking hand.]

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