Day 265 - Friday, September 12th

[papalobo]

[A Chinese man who is definitely a mature adult and not a teenager checks in to the Hyatt, one of their more exclusive rooms, along with his half-white half brother who is also certainly not a teenager and most definitely not the notorious gang leader wanted on suspicion of a September 11th New York City bombing in retaliation for an angry rogue sect of anti-American zealots.

The entire suite floor has been rented out, and it requires a special key card in the elevator and on the stairs to enter that floor. But they can rent one of the still very luxe rooms directly beneath.

A familiar white limo is in the car garage, though the opportunity to gawk or investigate is slim, between the security cameras and live guards.

There's still no contact from Max, but the Department of Homeland Security has become involved, and has begun to enter Ash's territory with intent to arrest any known figures within his gang to bring in for questioning.]

Day 284, Wednesday, Oct 1st

Comments

[jadedlynx]

You talk about what I need! You're right! I don't need you! I don't need Blanca! I don't need Eiji! Even if I was alone, I wouldn't be slitting my wrists right now!

[ Finally, he snaps. ]

I could push it down and keep working! I've done it before! But pick a fucking standard, Max! You talk about wanting me to do more than survive day or day and then mock the idea that I'd need something after this!

[ It hurts. He's pissed. It hurts. ]

Am I not needing the right things?!

[papalobo]

Then get it! Get what you need! Stop pretending like you need me, just 'cause I need you to need me!

[jadedlynx]

I told you, I'm not going to stand on the porch and beg the guy I chose to actually date to do this. I'll handle myself. Just get inside of the house already.

[papalobo]

No, you get over here!

[jadedlynx]

Why would I do that?

[papalobo]

So I can fucking hug you! Or'm I not good enough for that after all?

[jadedlynx]

[ Suddenly, his shoulders sagged. Suddenly, his knees were so weak that Ash decides to sit down, right there, back against the house. ]

Let me have some pride.

[papalobo]

[Staggering a little in his gait as if drunk--that punch really had done a number on him, leaving him reeling and in no mental state to recover---Max starts to storm towards him.]

[jadedlynx]

[ Ash stands to catch him in case he does fall. He doesn't regret the punch; it was fair. ]

I don't need a fucking pity hug.

[ It was never actually about a hug. ]

[papalobo]

I wish I could pity you, you little shit.

[One hand goes to Ash's shirt, near his shoulder, the other into his hair, pulling him in to what's really more like a bad, drunken wrestling hold.]

[jadedlynx]

[ And Ash's hands are to hold me up. ]

I don't want your pity.

[papalobo]

Once I'm less pissed off about it, m'gonna have tons of pity. Pity you're too fucking stupid to've got this from anyone better first.

[Max grips him as if trying to crush him against him.]

[jadedlynx]

Do you plan on killing me first?

[ It's good that the bruises are mostly healed now. ]

[papalobo]

[Relucantly, deliberately, his hold softens. It's still painful.]

[jadedlynx]

Do you remember choking me in prison?

[ It really does likely seem either random or an attempt to guilt him, but it's neither. ]

[papalobo]

[It softens further still, taking it as a hint he's going too hard.]

[jadedlynx]

You saw stuff that wasn't there because of what happened while you were deployed. Our heads mess with us, mixes up what happened in the past with what's happening now. You're not dense that you can't figure out how somebody could be more useful if they're here than if they're anywhere else if you get out of whatever had space tells you that beating somebody up is the only kind of skill that's worth anything.

[papalobo]

[If it were just a matter of being here, plenty of other people would do it, if he'd let them. But he has to suffer with Max's subpar, delusional company.

If Max weren't s jealous, Ash could've had Blanca here.

Eiji might be kept at a distance for safety but he's the gold standard.

None of those are thoughts he can voice. None of this is about him. If being here is doing any good, fine. Even if he doesn't believe it, he'll do it.]

[jadedlynx]

[ But now, Ash is sure that Max finds the very need ridiculous. Ash shouldn't need this.

Max says it's fine to need this.

He also acted like the idea was stupid.

He's confused. He's tired.

The arms holding Max up, they weren't even needed at the moment, drop. ]

[papalobo]

[Somehow dejected at that drop, he pulls away, eyes drifting off to the side, trying to find something on the porch to focus on, to find sudden fascination with.]

[jadedlynx]

Can you actually do it if you find the idea that stupid?

[ It's still the same confrontation, but it's less numb. ]

[papalobo]

I'm the one who's stupid. But you're the smart one, so if I go with it, that's probably the smarter thing to do...

[jadedlynx]

[ He really doesn't get it. Ash knows that he did. Once. After he'd been drugged at the bar, Max held him. It wasn't about something as simple as 'hugging'. It wasn't something just anyone could do. At that moment, it wasn't that arms were around him, it was all of the trust and affection that led up to that moment, it was that the person giving the hug had earned the ability to give that comfort. If Shawn came and offered to hold him, the thought would be appreciated but rejected even as someone Ash liked.

This felt like an embarrassing mockery. Max isn't holding him in hopes of offering the peace he once did. This isn't full of affection or love. ]

Let's go inside.

[ Ash just wants to be off this porch. ]

[papalobo]

[As expected. Ash doesn't want to be held by him. It's a meaningless gesture.

It'd mean something from Eiji.

Blanca made it mean something when Max was 'dead.']

...I'll...

[Why stay outside? They're as far apart as can be, regardless of propinquity.]

Yeah.

[jadedlynx]

[ But Ash doesn't move. He wants to move. He wants things to be different. ]

How do I get it back?

[ He won't say all of the 'thats' which come to mind. Either Max knows, or he'll reassure Ash it's still there while it's very much not. He also won't beg Max to tell him. His begging days are over. Why lower himself to that when it never works? When Max ignores him when it happens? ]