Day 265 - Friday, September 12th

[papalobo]

[A Chinese man who is definitely a mature adult and not a teenager checks in to the Hyatt, one of their more exclusive rooms, along with his half-white half brother who is also certainly not a teenager and most definitely not the notorious gang leader wanted on suspicion of a September 11th New York City bombing in retaliation for an angry rogue sect of anti-American zealots.

The entire suite floor has been rented out, and it requires a special key card in the elevator and on the stairs to enter that floor. But they can rent one of the still very luxe rooms directly beneath.

A familiar white limo is in the car garage, though the opportunity to gawk or investigate is slim, between the security cameras and live guards.

There's still no contact from Max, but the Department of Homeland Security has become involved, and has begun to enter Ash's territory with intent to arrest any known figures within his gang to bring in for questioning.]

Day 284, Wednesday, Oct 1st

Comments

[jadedlynx]

I think before Blanca, this isn't something I'd have to beg for.

[papalobo]

[Max struggles to sit up, wiping at where Ash's fist made contact with the back of his own hand.]

I'm getting blamed for that shit now...? I know m'the one who told you to do it, but fuck... Now every fuck up I made, you're gonna wrap back around to that? Like I ain't been a fuck-up falling short of Eiji from the start... I hate to break it to you, but when you tried to pick the middle of the road guy, all you got was the worst of both worlds!

[jadedlynx]

You're the one comparing yourself to him, not me! You're so desperate to try to prove something to yourself that you decided the only fucking kind of thing that matters is how hard somebody can punch!

[papalobo]

Should I make it about how hard I can hug you, instead?

[jadedlynx]

[ Suddenly, as if realizing the weight of his words, Ash freezes, a red flush coming to pale cheeks. He was begging Max to stay here and help. Begging. 'I was raped, and now I'm sad. Don't leave me'. Maybe he was more neutered than he thought. Now with that question, shame washes over him. The words sound so ridiculous in his head that the need to have somebody close is humiliating. Weak.

For a moment, shame steals his voice. ]

[papalobo]

[Those words don't suit Ash. So, they're not words Max hears; Ash is saying what it takes to make Max heel, another burden to take care of. After all, Ash is the idiot who tried to insist it's nothing, that it should be nothing, that it should be something he's over. Someone has to lash out. Someone has to show Ash it's not only okay to not be okay, but that it can't be okay for the other side, no matter what, even once it is okay for the victim.

But he doesn't make a break for the truck, instead struggling to stand up.]

[jadedlynx]

[ He's gotten weak. The old Ash would've sucked it up and moved on. He'd told Jessica he didn't have time to break after every rape. That kind of thinking hurt much less than the sudden punch to the gut. Max either thinks it's ridiculous that he would have that kind of need, or he doesn't care that the need exists. Neither is a pleasant thought.

Something heavy forms in his gut.

How was he convinced to try again? When did he start to fall for what Max said? Why did he start to fall for what Max said? Why was he still falling for it? Begging never worked. Opening himself up didn't work.

Ah, he really had been stupid. ]

[papalobo]

[Once standing, he waits for the argument, catching his breath.]

[jadedlynx]

[ It happens in front of Max's eyes. The flush begins to fade. The vulnerability behind wide eyes leaves as they set into something more neutral. ]

I'll knock you out and drag you inside I have to. Get in the house.

[papalobo]

[Ash has realized it too. He's convinced him. He's not Eiji. He's not actually enough.

Winning arguments shouldn't feel so pyrrhic.

He stays in place. He's not enough. He's weight. He's one more burden to manage. Of course, obediently going inside will take that off of his plate.

That's all he can do about it, though. What's he going to do, write an angry article about it? One anonymous victim, who'll be traced back to him easily enough by anyone who follows the news?]

[jadedlynx]

[ Begging didn't work. Yelling didn't work. Maybe force will.

Max has fallen out of love. It's not the first time he's questioned that, but it's the first time he's been so sure. Having Max run away without notice was almost there, and even when they met again, they probably shouldn't have gotten back together.

So this is what it feels like to love and not be loved. Blanda suggests he keeps going full force, but he has so little left to give beyond the basics right now. Even his love life, or increasingly lack thereof, paled in comparison to the pain that came from being the victim. Again.

Ash waits. He'll survive this. He always does. ]

[papalobo]

[And Max, too, waits. He's less sure for what, maybe a solution he's not smart enough, people savvy enough to come up with. How does he make this better? There's no fixing it. Already, Ash has reverted to a numbed act, like he just needs to barrel through this.]

[jadedlynx]

Just go inside.

[ Damn Max, just walk through the door. ]

[papalobo]

That won't... take any of it away.

[jadedlynx]

Neither will you running off for your next chance in jail. That'd make it worse. But if you stop to think about it, you know that.

[ And you don't care ]

[papalobo]

You acted normal this last hour... Like it's something that can just be a "by the way" thing. Someone's gotta act out on it for you, if you won't.

[jadedlynx]

I acted normal because I wanted a normal meal with you. I knew that wasn't going to happen after you knew.

[papalobo]

'Cause this isn't normal...!!

[jadedlynx]

[ It is for him. ]

It's normal to want it to be.

[ To want a break. Ash is still confident in that. ]

[papalobo]

Is that all I can do for you? Play pretend?

[jadedlynx]

I indulged in one meal, Max. I told you before we made it inside of the house.

[ And that's proven to be a mistake. ]

[papalobo]

I'm talking about now. Do you see making a break for the damn truck?

[jadedlynx]

I'm not repeating what I've already said.

[ Having it mocked once was enough. ]

We talk in circles enough. I'll hug myself, but you can at least get in the house and stay out of jail.

[papalobo]

What do you want?

[jadedlynx]

What? You'll listen better when I'm not begging? If making it more impersonal helps, I can put it to paper and mail a letter.